Renny was born three and a half weeks early. After coming home from school one day, I had some cramping and later my water broke. Rushing into the hospital, I was again back in a daze, similar to after the ultrasound. It was a different kind of daze this time. It was more of like, I can’t believe this is happening, what will happen? I know it will be okay, but I’m still worried, ah!! I’m having our baby girl tonight! And when I was wheeled into the surgery room for my C-section and lay there numb – both physically and emotionally – I just spoke to God and said, Thy will be done. This is all you, Lord. I am at your mercy. I trust you.
My husband and I had not decided on a name yet. We had two names that were similar in sound but different in meaning. One meant noble; the other meant reborn. We would wait to see her to decide.
The time came to deliver our baby. My husband watched anxiously; I waited anxiously yet oddly calm. This is all you, Lord. Here she comes…he can see her head…she’s out! She’s huge! he says. What? I ask – her defect is huge? No! He says, that is small! SHE is huge! Her head does not look that big; my husband sees her leg move. Hope. She is whisked away to clean up, to get her breathing, to cover her defect. I still lay still, as they stitch me up. Still in a daze. Calm. Right away, we chose the name that meant reborn. She was reborn. She was “supposed” to be sick, damaged….and she was not. She was reborn. Thank you Lord.
Renny was airlifted to a big university hospital for her surgeries. I got to touch her foot before she left; I never was able to hold her until three days later. She had her back closed up and a shunt placed in her head all by the next afternoon. Three days later I am able to come see her. She is in the NICU, but one of the healthiest there. She barely flinches when the doctors poke at her. She has a big gauze on her back, and a net on her head. She is so peaceful, so quiet. She latched on right away when I nursed her – None of my boys did that! Awesome. She was in the hospital 5 days. And then we went home. We went home with our beautiful little girl who happens to have spina bifida.
Note: I wanted to add something that I should have added before: After Renny’s birth, we had a wonderful outpouring of support from people, especially my co-workers and my mother’s co-workers. Between the two schools, they donated generous amounts of money, they brought us food for two weeks after we came home, and because she came 3 1/2 weeks early, I was out of “sick days” and they donated enough sick days for me to be able to stay home with Renny into the summer. They are all awesome, and their support, generosity, kindness, and thoughtfulness was overwhelming. Thanks to all of you (again)!